A 3rd Reading from Tony's Diary Ft: Jason Fuse


A parody of a song by Jason Fuse.  A Collaboration by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA, Jason Fuse in Los Angeles & Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
Recorded: 05/26/2017  Released: 05/26/2017  First aired: unaired
 View the Airtime Calendar


Thanks to Luke for the graduation party idea, which I find hilarious. And to both Jason and Luke for feedback and gift ideas for this jingle.


Dear diary,

These *** damned pandas are useless. Why are we interested in them? Because they have dots around their eyes? I have bags under my eyes, nobody likes that. Is it because pandas are furtive? Hey, you know what else is furtive? My ball sack. You wanna watch that? Who needs tickets?


Dear diary,

(Name redacted) and his wife just got back from a vacation in Vermont where they stayed at a Bed & Breakfast. He said “you have to try it. It’s fantastic!”

Now i like him a lot, and i didn’t want to hurt his feelings. So i said:

“Are you out of your *** damned mind?! I don’t even like spending time with you, why would i want to eat with strangers?”

No thanks, Thoreau. Give me the Four Seasons and $90 entrees, or give me death.


Dear diary

You know that I’m a live and let live kind of guy, right? But please, just for a moment, indulge me while i describe what I’d like to do to these self-pitying Yelp reviewers mourning the loss of 7 hours a night of half price drinks and a menu full of cattle feed.

I want to duct tape them to a street lamp and blow a vuvuzela full blast in their ears until they bleed out of their eyes and rectum! What kind of rat bastard idiot thinks a restaurant in the district can survive a business plan like that? Did these people drink antifreeze as children? 1 star...**** off, ya jackass!


Dear diary,

(Name redacted) gave me a $30 gift certificate to Applebees at the graduation party I had for my doctorate. I briefly thought about taking a **** on the lawn and wiping my *** with it. Diary, please do not misconstrue this as hyperbole, but i would rather eat the actual gift certificate than ANYTHING at Applebees.

Also, (name redacted) got me an onyx Successories paperweight that read:

“A positive attitude creates a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.”

I smashed it with a hammer into a million pieces and then poured it into the sewer.

Related Jingles

The Amount You Like (How to Save a Life) by robert berg
Choking Dogs (The Stroke) by robert berg
7 Years by Brad Weiss
Tell Michael There's A Hurricane (Rock You Like A Hurricane) by robert berg
Just Tuned In (To See What Condition Robert Griffin Was In) by Jerry

Join the conversation

Your Name
Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
Nice [Name redacted] line reading.
84 days ago.

The TK Jingles Weekly Prodcast
This jingle is featured in the following episodes of the TK Jingles Weekly Prodcast:


This jingle is included in the following playlists:

Playlist User
All of robert berg's Jingles robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
All the TK Jingles of 2017 Jerry in Annandale, VA
Favorites ernmjb in Rensselaerville, NY
Jason Fuse 720 ernmjb in Rensselaerville, NY
New Playlist ernmjb in Rensselaerville, NY
Rb 717 ernmjb in Rensselaerville, NY