A Reading from Tony's Diary Ft. Jason Fuse

   

A parody of a song by Jason Fuse.  A Collaboration by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA & Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
Recorded: 09/23/2016  Released: 09/23/2016  First aired: unaired
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Lyrics

February 10, 2010

Dear Diary

Chuck Bell needs to die. I crushed him on the radio but what I wanted to say and resisted, is that I want to carve out his eyeballs, but keep them attached to the optic nerve, that’s important, lather them in honey, and set them in a petri dish of Brazilian fire ants.

Also, I bought some new pants from Lord and Taylor that I took back 3 times but ultimately decided to keep. But I’m afraid they make my rear end look big. I’m so ugly. I hate them.

February 19, 2010

Dear Diary

Jeanne wants me to give up crushing people for lent, but that’s 40 days. 40 DAYS! My moronic colleagues say all kinds of terrible things about me, most of which are probably true. But, reciprocity! I bet most of colleagues don’t even know what the god damned word means. I work with idiots. I am SO much smarter than them, and I just know they resent me for it. It’s not easy being the cleverest guy in the room.

Btw, diary…you know who’s still getting it done? Lauren Bacall. Oh my god. I don’t care if she is 86. I wonder if she knows who I am. She might watch PTI. I sure hope so. She’s so cute.

March 7, 2012

Dear Diary

People at this station are abject, knuckle-dragging, cretinous douche-bags. Someone spilled coffee all over the board of my studio yesterday for some stupid public access level waste of time. The game is afoot, diary. I intend to find them, and filet their pancreas right in front of their arrogant god damn face. And then I’m going to spread it on some Ritz crackers and shove this culinary nightmare into their smug pie hole!

Also, there was no god damned grapefruit juice at the Safeway again!

April 16, 2012

Dear Diary

The NFL schedule just came out. Oh god. On September 17th I would have gone to Atlanta and then on the 24th I would have had to be in Seattle.

Related Jingles

Chris Cillizza (My Sharona) by robert berg
Senator Isiah Lord Thomas (If I Ruled the World, from the musical "Pickwick") by robert berg
Another Reading from Tony's Diary, Ft: Jason Fuse by robert berg
Intergalactic Howard Fineman (Folk Era) by Jason Fuse
They Don't Have Chaputzfuh by robert berg

Join the conversation

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Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
They said they were going to play this one how many times? And they actually could have played the whole thing.
242 days ago.
Rob Newland in Mishawaka, IN
Rob should fill-in for Tony on Golf Days. This is spooky good, and takes "Incomparable" to a whole new level.
272 days ago.
Jerry in Annandale, VA
Luke, I echo your comment. The dramatic read was probably just as cathartic for Robert as it was hilarious for everyone else. And the actual content of this is great & seems perfectly in line with the type of vitriol Tony is jotting down on a daily basis.
273 days ago.
Sean Morrissey in Frederick,MD
Hysterical.
273 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
Oh, duh....Feb.10th, 2010....
278 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
Lauren Bacall getting it done? From the great beyond?? This is hilarious!!
278 days ago.
Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
Jason, you are right. Rob, I might pay you to record audio books for me. Now I'm trying to figure out how much of this jingle provides insight into Rob's psyche vs. Tony's.
278 days ago.
Anita from Alaska
OMG. What the hell is this? More!
278 days ago.
Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
Good to hear - I hit record and made it up as I went last night after you mentioned wanting slow and atmospheric. This needs a Civil War documentary style "letters from the front lines" video montage of images.
278 days ago.
robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
your guitar track is absolutely perfect.
278 days ago.
Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
This was funny when I read it, but the dramatic reading makes it hilarious. The game is afoot indeed.
278 days ago.