I Wish (I Was Balder)

   

A parody of a song by Skee-Lo.  Recorded by Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
Recorded: 04/07/2016  Released: 04/08/2016  First aired: unaired
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Lyrics

I had been thinking about this one for a while but didn't decide to hit the record button until Spieth came out swinging in the first round of the Masters. After this, and the show replaying Rob's song last Friday, I thought I'd throw out my attempt to add to the balding Jordan Spieth catalogue. Anyway, I recorded this in Aro-ian fashion with one take, trying to get it done quickly. Thanks to Rob and KJ for feedback.


LYRICS

Hairline?

I wish I was a little bit balder
I wish I was a golfer
But my handicap is as crappy as a toddler
Maybe cause my hair ain’t as bare, it’s a problem
An alopecic golfer

I wish I was like Jordan Spieth
He’s in golf’s new paradigm
And you know his hairline sure is shortening
He has made a fortune see but his status
Can’t be just from practice or skill-related sorts of things
It’s his depilated dome
Just like Tony K he has no mane
That’s gotta be why they’re made of dough
And look at Wilbon y’all
He’s friends with Magic and Charles
I’m not surprised that they’ve all gone bald
And that’s no analytics but
Look at their VORP
And by VORP I mean their Value Over Replacement Plugs
Cal Ripken’s peak was on fleek
Y’all see the Hall of Famer doesn’t have a long streak
And King James, I think I found why
You got a crown around the time
Your headband crept past the foul line
Now I see the correlation
Urlacher had an inverse Samson situation
Putin’s bald pate can rule a nation
And dispatch hairy bears with really no hesitation
RGIII’s locks are lavish and long
Yep, I think I see where he went wrong

I wish I was a little bit balder
I wish I was a golfer
With a mean game that brought me fame and some dollars
Maybe I should nair all my hair up there
That would really solve it


A parody of "I Wish" by Skee-Lo

Related Jingles

Since You've Been Gone feat. KJ Ohnstad by Luke Overbey
Trash People by Sean Morrissey
It's The End of the Show (For the Summer) by Jerry
Dear Tony (Stan) by Luke Overbey
Complicated feat. Robert Berg by Luke Overbey

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Anita in Alaska in Anchorage,AK
Don't worry Steve. I'm sure someone will trade up for you.
430 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
I'm totally gonna cry when I hug the Commish onstage. I've dreamed about this all my jingling life... what? No hugs for undrafted free agents?
431 days ago.
Patrick
For "Liver" there should be held a Jingler draft with Gary going upto a podium to announce each draft pick and introduce them to the audience as the Comissioner of the JFL [Jingler Fanasty League] or FJL [Fanasty Jingler League].
431 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Yep, I laughed hard at Gary saying that. Now we need to develop full rules for a jinglers league and invite him to join.
432 days ago.
Kj Ohnstad in Red Wing, MN
Agree with Rob and Jason here. Your flow and rhymes kill, great references throughout and great song choice. Also, this comment thread is hilarious. Let me point out Gary's words from yesterday's show: "I hate that I can identify the jinglers by their voices. It makes me feel like a humongous loser."
432 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
Is this a keeper league?
440 days ago.
Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
I think the LIPS-equivalent clutch jingle would be the quick-turnaround variety. I think the stat would be something like Show Applicable Next Day Submission (SANDS). Maybe we could just call that stat "La Cheeserie."
440 days ago.
Patrick
Know your jingling heads (voices) league
440 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
With a name like Lipton, I hope I'd score well in LIPS.
440 days ago.
Anita in Alaska in Anchorage,AK
Can't forget all the clutch jinglers out there either. Would have to come up with a LIPS number.
440 days ago.
Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
Steve, those are definitely all first rounders for sure. Definitely depends on our FJL points system though. And yeah, Jerry, OAP is definitely closer to wins than FIP or BABIP. I think I'll have to spend an unnecessarily large amount of time thinking this through.
440 days ago.
Jerry in Annandale, VA
This thread is hilarious. IMHO, I think OAP is as misleading as batting average or Wins for a pitcher
440 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
Luke, maybe we;ll start a Fantasy Jingler League - will KJ go number 1 or will it be Jerry, Jason or Joe?
440 days ago.
Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
I doubt that. But now you are actually making me want to actually come up with a stat for this. We'd have to take into account OAP (on air percentage), as well as Total Playlists, and Airtime Independent Listens...
440 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
However, my VORJ (Voice Over Replacement Jingler) remains painfully low. I'd be luck to get into a platoon jingler situation.
442 days ago.
Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
Steve, I'm sure the effect works different for different people. For you, it obviously raised up your high jingle VORP.
442 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Incredible references throughout, and great choice of song.
442 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
VORP - my new favorite term. Incidentally, Steve Lipton's been balding since 11th grade. Flat out bald since age 23. Maybe that helps my jingling game but my golf game still stinks.
445 days ago.
robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
this should have aired today.
445 days ago.
Anita in Alaska in Anchorage,AK
Fabulous.
445 days ago.
robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
Papelbon, Manziel...NOT bald. your flow and rhymes kill.
445 days ago.