Junk (Jump)


A parody of a song by Van Halen.  A Collaboration by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA & Jason Fuse in Los Angeles
Recorded: 01/13/2016  Released: 01/13/2016  First aired: 01/14/2016
 View the Airtime Calendar


My great thanks to the unrepresentable Jason Fuse on BGVs.

I get up
Twice a night with a scowl
I’ve got it tough
My prostate’s the size of an owl
And I know
How to navigate by feel
So I don’t need to flip the light switch
To finish the deal

But then I stub my toe on one of Michael’s Hewlett-Packard email machines
And his sister’s girl scout canteen
And an old tube of Brylcreem

My house is filled with junk
I’m surrounded by junk
In ossified clumps
This place is a dump

Stained ties, a parachute, porcelain cats
A used catheter from 2010
A set of 7 orange traffic cones
And a Culture Club cassette

Well lookie here this is a plastic baggie filled with my children’s baby teeth
Some postcards, and underneath
A cup of skin from my feet

How do we live amongst this junk?
Can someone take this junk?
Why did I ever want this junk?
Why are we saving this junk?

Related Jingles

Kevin Is Dead to Us (Over My Head) by robert berg
Somebody Made Him A Doctor (Somebody Get Me A Doctor) by mrlip
Hall of Fame (You're So Vain) by mrlip
A Room of Our Own by Swingmonalisa
Putin on the Spritz by robert berg

Join the conversation

Your Name
11sjw in Perth, Western Australia
Spat my coffee out at "But then I stub my toe on one of Michael’s Hewlett-Packard email machines ." Love it.
523 days ago.
Hall. Of. Fame.
526 days ago.
Kj Ohnstad in Red Wing, MN
I'm also in on the skin. And you had to go back a ways on the Brylcream. What an absolutely fantastic jingle! Nice BGVs too.
529 days ago.
Mark L
Safe to say this is a guarantee Top 10 for 2016 Great stuff.
529 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
I'm in on skin. Daniel Snyder may soon consider a name change to the Washington Footskins. Here's hoping.
529 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
This describes several things (JUNK!) that I currently have in my basement with eerie accuracy. Oh - And I'm all in on skin.
529 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
Naaa, you're not!
529 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Williamsburg, VA
Snort. I like the the skin fetish flashback. I know I'm the only one who likes that one, though.
529 days ago.
Anita from Alaska
Totally speechless and I haven't even heard the podcast yet. Come December this will be in my top 10 list. No doubt. Let it on the cup of skin line.
529 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
Man, so freakin' clever and hilarious. I smiled the whole way....
529 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
Freakin' awesome.
530 days ago.
Sean Morrissey in Frederick,MD
Hysterical and sounds great. So good.
530 days ago.