Somebody's Notching Trees (Somebody's Watching Me)


A parody of a song by Rockwell.  Recorded by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
Recorded: 06/16/2015  Released: 06/16/2015  First aired: unaired
 View the Airtime Calendar


I'm just an average man, in a Floridian town
and in my front yard I have an American Elm
last week in the shadows a man approached
he took off his corduroy pants and then did something gross

In my housing plan somebody's notching trees
jacked up on $5 insanity
in my housing plan somebody's notching trees
it must hurt when he pees

when I came home the next night
I called my arborist friend Dwight
He said a significant amount of woody and vascular tissue had been destroyed
I said Dwight do you mean the tree trunk or this bizarre tree rapist's groin?
when I'm at the office I'm afraid he's mounting the shrubs
are the rhododendrons safe from his erotic love?
people say I'm crazy, but I'm not the guy
with his underwear stuck to his skin and tree sap splattered on his thighs

In my housing plan somebody's notching trees
how long must he be tweezing?
in my housing plan somebody's notching trees
I hope he gets Dutch Elm Disease

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Join the conversation

Your Name
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
oh man...tappin' that aspen is pure gold! i wasn't clever enough to get there, luke. my god, that is so good.
793 days ago.
Luke Overbey in Charleston, SC
This is the Flakka song that made me laugh out loud the the most. I don't know if this could pass the censors and make the air though. Such great writing. The only thing missing was maybe something about "tapping that aspen."
793 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
I hope he gets Dutch Elm Disease . Great closer.
794 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
oh were doing so well...i suppose resistance is futile. the call of the pun is strong in you.
794 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Another inspiring 80s song choice, and such great execution! What a story, and what a run of jingles about tree love. This song is a clinic on whorticulture.
794 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Williamsburg, VA
I fear for the Bougainvillea - Florida, after all.
795 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
Brad's song puts this to shame. Man...Barry White...just pitch perfect creativity right there. Barry F-ing White.
795 days ago.

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