(What if Tone Was) One Of Us

   

A parody of a song by Joan Osbourne.  Recorded by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
Recorded: 04/29/2015  Released: 04/29/2015  First aired: 04/14/2016
 View the Airtime Calendar

Lyrics

IF TONE WAS A WORKER MAN, WHAT WOULD HE DO?
AND WOULD YOU GIVE A DAMN IF HE READ YOUR HAIKUS?
AND WOULD YOU THINK HE WAS CHARMING
IF HE WAS REALLY STILL THIS CANTANKEROUS?

AND YEAH, YEAH, TONE IS RICH
AND HE GOLFS WITH THE PRESIDENT TOO
BUT WHAT IF HIS JOB WAS TEACHING KIDS KUNG FU?

WHAT IF TONE WAS ONE OF US?
A JOHN DOE LIKE ONE OF US
CALLING IN TO THE SPORTS CHICKS
FILIBUSTERING ABOUT THE ORCHID

IF TONE WAS A PLEBE, WHEN HE WENT OUT TO EAT
WOULD HE WALK BY THE PALM WITH HIS NOSE PRESSED UP TO THE GLASS
BEFORE HE MOSIED ON DOWN TO SUBWAY
FOR A 6 INCH CHEESELESS SANDWICH?

AND YEAH, YEAH, HE'S A 1%ER
AND THANK GOD HE'S NO ONE'S MENTOR
FOR HIM PTI HATS ARE LEGAL TENDER

WHAT IF TONE WAS ONE OF US?
HAD A DOZEN TOES LIKE ONE OF US
AND BY "ONE OF US" WE ALL KNOW, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT LINDA COHN
NO SCORE CARDS IN HIS SECOND HOME
NO EMMYS NEXT TO THE COMMODE

Related Jingles

The Metro (Berlin) by robert berg
If I Had a Million Dollars by Brad Weiss
The Time Larry King Almost Died on Air (The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down) by robert berg
In Da Club by robert berg
Shilling in the Name (Rage) by robert berg

Join the conversation

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robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
I should have bleeped out her name. I wasn't thinking.
438 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
No talking about ESPN employees.
438 days ago.
Mike from Somerville MA
First jingle that had to be censored due to classified information?
438 days ago.
Jerry in Annandale, VA
One year later!
438 days ago.
Kj in MN in St. Paul, MN
Loved this song back in the day. This is hilarious. So many funny lines here.
783 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
Holy moly, this one is especially funny!
784 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
i was gonna ask Joe if he might take a shot at it to do it justice. i think i should rerecord it over the weekend and see if i can do a better job.
786 days ago.
Jerry in Annandale, VA
I love the concept & the line "FOR HIM PTI HATS ARE LEGAL TENDER" is perfect.
787 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
Applause!!!
788 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Funny as always, and the from sound of this one it seems that new mic is really making a difference. Sounds great.
788 days ago.
mrlip in Springfield, VA
Cantankerous is a word that needs to pop up here more often - I laughed a ton. Thanks Rob!
788 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
i think i went off the rails with the Linda Cohn bit. i was struggling to find rhymes i liked and "12 the hard way" popped into my head.
788 days ago.