If You Bid At Auction (Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?)

   

A parody of a song by Rod Stewart.  Recorded by robert berg in Pittsburgh, PA
Recorded: 04/21/2015  Released: 04/21/2015  First aired: 04/22/2015
 View the Airtime Calendar

Lyrics

YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT THIS COULD BE A NIGHTMARE
LEAVE YOUR STUPID KID HOME WITH A BABYSITTER
DON’T OFFER TIPS OR COMMENT ON HIS PUTTER
HE’S NOT BAD, HE’S JUST A HIGH-VOLUME SHOOTER

IF YOU BID AT AUCTION, 18 HOLES OF GOLFING
THAT COULD BE A BIG MISTAKE
IN A CART WITH MICHAEL, ALMOST HOMICIDAL
GIANT DIVOTS IN HIS WAKE

THAT 20 LARGE AT THIS POINT IS A SUNK COST
DON’T ASK HIM WHAT NUMBER ALEX ENGLISH WORE
TO JUST DRIVE AWAY WILL BE A BIG TEMPTATION
WE CALL THIS A LARRY DAVID SITUATION
WORST-CASE SCENARIO YOU CAN CHAT WITH MICHAEL
ABOUT THE SYMBOLIC DREAMS OF RASKOLNIKOV

IF YOU BID AT AUCTION, JUST A WORD OF CAUTION
THIS ISN’T PTI
HE WILL NOT REGALE YOU WITH COMPELLING TALES
YOU’RE THINKING OF THE OTHER GUY

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Orange Man (Particle Man) by robert berg
Mr. Telephone Man by robert berg
Reason Not To Leave Gretchen Wu by Jerry
Phil's Mom (Stacy's Mom) by robert berg

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Anita from Alaska
This is awesome.
557 days ago.
Kj in MN in St. Paul, MN
Perfection!
792 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
yeah, could have been part of the snackdown. i can't use this in a jingle if it didn't happen but from a rhyme scheme perspective it would be perfect if confirmed.
793 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
I don't remember that exactly, but it sounds entirely plausible. Something to do with the "Snack Down," maybe?
793 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
hey, can anyone help me out here? i seem to recall TK calling his listeners "scones" circa 2000/2001 while mocking Jim Rome calling his listeners "clones." does that sound familiar to anyone?
793 days ago.
chetanbk in United States
Simply Amazing.,
795 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
Shaddap, Brad! I'm trying to make money over here!
797 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
Rhys?! You clearly haven't factored in the Mancunian contempt for all things Welsh. BTW: What kind of Northerner develops an East End accent? Go'orn!
797 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
The sharps have jumped on Basil, Rob, I expect to lengthen the odds on Rupert. If you're looking for value though, you may want to consider Rhys at 15:1 or Jools at 8:1.
797 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
i FINALLY used my degree for something.
797 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
English Majors unite!! More Dostoevsky references!! Give us a few choruses on The Grand Inquisitor!
797 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
Hampton, i would vote for Basil.
797 days ago.
Bill
this song is so great!
797 days ago.
Jerry in Annandale, VA
This pretty much says all that needs to be said about the golf auction & the turnaround was impressive. Excellent!
797 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
You know it's good when they're willing to sit through a bridge as long as that one. Attention spans of a corgi, that lot. Nicely done, Rob.
798 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Once again, the choruses are so incredibly good. Particularly the first one.
798 days ago.