Big Rock Cocaine Planet


A parody of a song by Hank McClintock.  Recorded by Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
Recorded: 04/04/2015  Released: 04/05/2015  First aired: 04/06/2015
 View the Airtime Calendar


To the tune of “Big Rock Candy Mountains” by Hank McClintock

One evening as the sun went down behind the 7-11
Through the trash came a crack-head walking, and selling gold tickets to heaven
“For 99 bucks you get eternal life and that’s a bargain, damn it
And with your dough I get to go to the Big Rock Cocaine Planet”

“To the Big Rock Cocaine Planet, on a saucer built for three
God told me of his master plan behind the KFC”
But the Po-Po picked him up real quick, seems the gold wasn’t legit
With pipes and blow, and big cash you know, and a baby alligator and a wife in tow
There’ll be no cocaine planet


“Though I’ll burn in fire I’ll wear a wire
To avoid the time I’ll drop a dime
And fly to Cocaine Planet”

Related Jingles

These Choking Dogs (Your Cheatin' Heart) by John Welsh
E-e-e-ebola (Lola parody) by Rich Oettinger
E-Mail Time (Sweet Emotion) by Hampton Nager
Intergalactic Howard Fineman by Jason Fuse
Twenty Blocks For $64 (Twenty-Five Or Six To Four) Feat. John Fitzpatrick & George Michael by Hampton Nager

Join the conversation

Your Name
Dylan in Los Angeles, CA
It's truly a crime this didn't make the Final Four... or even the Sweet Sixteen. Life doesn't make sense sometimes.
100 days ago.
Anonymous Little
Oh, hey. It's been a year. In other news, somebody tell that goldbricker Kornheiser to get back to work.
499 days ago.
TipTopTommy in Phoenix
Almost a year later and this song still pops into my head from time to time
577 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
The news that this story is fake surely does not take away from this fabulous idea and wonderful performance....
748 days ago.
ElliotO in Hauppauge, NY
I feel like a dad telling his kid there's no Santa...
749 days ago.
Matt in Pittsburgh
So glad we got to hear this last night.
783 days ago.
Stuart in Atlanta
Two months later and I laugh every time I listen to this - genius!
792 days ago.
PatrickW in Copenhagen, DK
This is just amazing. The baby alligator really ties it all together.
806 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
When I die, I want someone to tell the gathering that I once made Leon Harris laugh.
806 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
i just listened to this again last night and it still cracked me up too.
811 days ago.
John Neiswinger in Bel Air, MD
Some of my Facebook friends started posting this story YESTERDAY for some reason, so I made sure to give them a link to this song. Still makes me laugh after 2 months!
811 days ago.
Dick, Chicago
Cocaine Pkanet makes me laugh without fail.
833 days ago.
John in Elkhart, IN
I've been back to listen to this song at least 5 times. Excellent work.
851 days ago.
Kj in MN in St. Paul, MN
So after reading this, I know the genesis of the Lucille jingle. I thought I had missed an email from Patrick on the show. Hampton-THIS is pure gold. Way to go!
863 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
I figured why not just do it...
864 days ago.
This song rules as much as the story. Great work.
864 days ago.
John Welsh in Somerville, MA
864 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Writing a nonsense song about a fabulous true story embellished to include Kenny Rogers... which was itself prompted by a jingle that was based on an insane story? That's just lunacy. Sounds right up my alley. Now what rhymes with Rogers...
864 days ago.
Jerry in Annandale, VA
The #1 jingle of the week, continuing to reel in the praise on Twitter & TK's show. Awesome!
864 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
Can you imagine the twitter war unleashed against poor Kenny Rogers if that happened?
864 days ago.
John Welsh in Somerville, MA
Or else someone could write a jingle about it, which would instantly set the new standard for "inside baseball"
864 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
LOL! Patrick - send that story into the mailbag and embellish it with, "and that friend was Kenny Rogers." It's solid mailbag gold!
864 days ago.
Patrick Moffett in Sacramento, CA
Hampton, I had a good friend who became a little inebriated at a wedding jokingly bear hug me and then drop me on a large ceramic pot. He was for some reason singing Big Rock Candy Mountain as he did this. I had to go to the hospital and get a few stitches in the back of my head as a result. I have fair reason to hate this song and yet I fricken love this jingle.
864 days ago.
John Fitzpatrick in Arlington, VA
Nager?? ;-)
864 days ago.
Hampton Nager in Dallas, TX
Seeing a wall of praise from such a murderer's row of august jinglers is the best part of all. Thank you.
865 days ago.
John Welsh in Somerville, MA
This is definitely my favorite jingle ever. This is the first jingle that I can see myself "covering" the next time I sit down at the guitar. I laughed, I cried, I hugged my baby alligator.
865 days ago.
joeythejammer in Ellicott City, MD
I'm way late. GREAT JOB HAMPTON!!!!
865 days ago.
judofuse in Atlanta
Amazing. I am still behind on the podcast, and after hearing this song I cannot wait until I get to this insane story.
865 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
i'd wager several people were working on a jingle based on this story. i was gonna go stairway to heaven, then heard hampton's tune and thought "no point in even bothering" because he nailed it.
866 days ago.
Patrick Moffett in Sacramento, CA
Way to get air time in the open! So fricken funny Hampton, the story was completelt insane and you captured it perfectly, splendid stuff sir.
866 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
Boom - Opening Act!!
866 days ago.
Brad Weiss in Carrboro, NC
Only Hampton could pull this one off! Bah!!
867 days ago.
John Fitzpatrick in Arlington, VA
867 days ago.
rob in Pittsburgh, PA
first in the clubhouse! nice work!
867 days ago.

The TK Jingles Weekly Prodcast
This jingle is featured in the following episodes of the TK Jingles Weekly Prodcast:


This jingle is included in the following playlists:

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